Spanking

My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old. Prior to that time, my brother and I had the fear of Dad put into us when we misbehave with the ever classic, "Just wait till your father gets home...". We weren't beaten or anything, but we were spanked, and I don't ever recall getting spanked with just a bare hand. My father spanked us with a leather biker glove on, the paddle (a wooden cutting board with a handle), a hanger and a belt when we misbehaved. I don't remember much of my childhood before age 8, but the memories that I do have are definitely not the fondest.

Luckily, after my Mom took us and left my Dad, the spanking stopped. I was only hit one time after age 8 and that was when I was a teenager, mouthing off. My Mom slapped my face, I said it then and I'll say it now, I deserved that one. I was a horrible teenager and pushed WAY far over the limits MANY times.

Fast forward to when my son was born. Now my husband and I had to decide how we would raise our children. We talked it over a bit and really just came to the conclusion that neither of us were better people because of being spanked. It really is an ineffective punishment.

When my son was 2 years old and I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, that conviction was put to the test. He is and has always been a very good kid. The problem was at bedtime. I could not keep lifting him back into bed countless times every night. First, he was literally the size of a 4 year old; second, I was pregnant and exhausted; and third, I was the only one on bedtime duty since my husband and I worked opposite shifts to avoid having daycare. I ended up swatting him as a punishment for getting out of bed. He is has a "people pleaser" personality, so it didn't take more than a light swat on the tush to get through to him. That was pretty much the only time we ever employed spanking with him. During the daytime, a simple time out was sufficient to get his behavior back on track.

Fast forward to when my daughter was 2 years old. She is extremely stubborn and hard to get through to. Take away her toys? She doesn't care, she's got such an active imagination that she's content to play with anything or nothing. She's not all that attached to any one toy or doll anyways. Take away TV time? Doesn't matter, not that my kids watch that much TV anyways. Raise your voice? She laughs or just ignores. Time outs? No big deal. So, we opted for the "tried and true" spanking with her.

It didn't work.

I'm sure (though I've never tried it) that I could spank her as many times and as hard as I could and it would not phase her for more than a second. Literally. She does the little whine right after the spank and then gets right back to her antics before you're out the door.

Bed time has always been a challenge for us and a few months before the baby was born, the older two became roommates. We kept spanking, with no real results and didn't know what else to do. My sister-in-law suggested that we use a paddle on her, because that's what she does with her kids. She only wants them to associate love with her hands, so she "avoids" the negative by using a paddle. Absolutely absurd, if you ask me. I think that using anything but your hands is cowardly.

From the time the baby was 2 weeks old until she was about 8 months (in December), she was a very difficult baby, especially in the evenings. I kept racking my brain, trying to figure out what to do to get those kids to have a smoother bedtime. We have always done a bedtime routine and that hadn't made any difference. Spanking wasn't working. On top of that, I just felt horrible about spanking my kids when I never wanted to do it in the first place.

And, I was becoming a hypocrite. My son and daughter were hitting each other when the other wasn't doing what the first wanted. How could I talk to them about that effectively when I did it myself?

Fast forward to January 4, 2009. I lost control. I had never spanked in anger until that night. The kids were messing around after what seemed to be 100 warnings. I spanked them hard enough to leave bruises on their butts, and I'm not proud. I called my husband (who was working), in tears. I hated myself and I hated that in that one moment my children feared me. He talked me down and agreed that we needed to sit down and figure out a more constructive way to handle bedtime battles.

I went into my kids' room and apologized and hugged them for a long time.

That was the last time I spanked my children. I will never do it again.

I truly hope that in 20 years or so, that they won't remember that awful night. I want their memories of childhood to be better than my memories of mine.

Its only been about 2 months, but it feels like another person in another lifetime. And for that, I thank God that we were able to work through it as a family and come to a positive resolution. Yes, there are still bedtime battles, but we have minimized them and bedtime is pretty easy most nights now.

Political Correctness Gone Crazy

Why are people and/or government so intent on pushing their opinions and preferences on the rest of society?

1. Saying Merry Christmas - Seriously? If this offends you, why can't you just ignore it or just respond with a polite "Happy Holidays" or even just a "Have a nice day".
2. A man at work giving a woman a compliment is NOT sexist! If a man (or anybody) saying anything nice to you really offends you, either ignore it or politely ask them to stop. There is no need to involve superiors or lawyers.
3. "Under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance - If this offends you, just close your mouth when this part is said and jump back in on "indivisible..." Seriously, nobody will notice!
4. Smoking - I am not a smoker, but shouldn't business owners decide whether or not they want to allow people to smoke on their property?
5. Separation of church and state: "In God We Trust" and other religious items - Get over it! This country was founded by Christians, looking to be able to practice their religious beliefs without persecution. You can't change history. If you don't like it, ignore it! The colonists wanted separation, so that religious leaders wouldn't influence and control every aspect of how the nation was run. Separation does not equal obliteration.
6. Illegal immigrants - Why are people so concerned about offending people who don't belong here in the first place. If you aren't a citizen, why do you think you deserve to be treated like one?

Does EVERYTHING need to be an issue? I'm all for being polite and courteous, but political correctness is just out of control and impossible to accomplish.

You can't make everyone happy all of the time.

Financial Peace - I'm Ready to be Wierd! (Part 3)

I know that Christmas is not an Emergency, according to Dave Ramsey. But, we are postponing our Financial Peace mission until January.

Financial Peace - I'm Ready to be Wierd! (Part 2)

The wierdness has begun! We just completed our first week of our re-launch in our Financial Peace Planner. I did well with my goals. I prayed every day to be a good steward of our money. We did the Cub Scout activities and had a couple of nice dinners together. I did not exercise - I ended up coming down with a cold after getting my flu shot. I finished Chapter 2 by Sunday.

Chapter 2 asks many questions:

1. Do you have stuffitis? Surprisingly, no. Things like getting rid of extras, buying brand names and top of the line purchases left our way of thinking a couple years ago! We do, however, tend to spend a little bit more on something that we REALLY want.


2. Are you using money to camoflage your feelings? Another somewhat surprising no. This is another line of thinking that has almost died in our past. Sure, it would be nice to go on a shopping spree. But I'd much rather have heat in the winter, gas in my tank and food in the fridge.


3. Are you vulnerable to get-rich-quick- schemes and bad investments? Not any more! I fell for Mary Kay, hook, line and sinker. I'd rather get rich slow than dump money into MLMs and other schemes and get nowhere but further into debt.


4. Are you a lazy money manager? Yes, and I'm trying to get better. I used to let my husband have total control over the finances. He's such a pleaser though, that when I asked if we could afford something, he would mentally tabulate which bills we could put off, so we could get what I wanted. THAT wasn't what I was asking for! So, we are trying to work together as a team, and discuss our finances weekly.


5. What would you do with $1,000,000? a. Give 10% to our church, b. Pay off all our existing debts, c. Set up college funds for our kids, d. Set up a retirement fund for us, and e. Have some fun - buy a house, travel, etc.

We were also challenged to set a date that we will have a $1,000 emergency fund established. My Wonderful Husband thinks we can have it done ny December 22, 2008. So that's what we're working for!

Our Weekly Goals

• Spiritual - Continue to pray daily for financial wisdom.


• Relational - Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving with our families.


• Physical - Work out at least 3x a week.


• Mental - Read Chapter 3 by Saturday, 11/29.

I'M READY TO BE WIERD!!!

Financial Peace - I'm Ready to be Weird!

My husband and I are getting ready to re-start Financial Peace baby steps. We recently paid off many, many thousands of dollars in debt and only have about $4,000 left! Problem is, the end is in sight and we are slacking off a bit.

I kind of gave myself, and him, a kick in the pants when I started mapping out all the things that we want to do within the next 10-15 years. I realized that we need to kick it into gear if we ever want to have these amazing experiences:

• Go to Disney World twice - next winter and when our youngest is 5 (probably in 6 years).
• Go to Hawaii for our 10 year anniversary - in 2011.
• Buy a new, somewhat larger, house within the next 5 years.
• Go to Europe for our 25th anniversary.
• Pay for 4(?) college educations.

And of course, save up a nice chunk of cash for retirement. I really want to be those people who live VERY modestly now and just have tons of money in savings for the emergencies and the fun. That means that WE NEED TO QUIT PISSING OUR MONEY AWAY NOW!!!

So, I hauled out the dusty Financial Peace planner, erased all my marks from before and we're back at it. One chapter per week, until we're done.

This week's goals:

• Spiritual - Pray EVERY day for help with finances.
• Relational - Continue to work on Boy Scout Activities and have at least one nice meal per week, all together.
• Physical - Exercise 30 minutes per day, 5 days a week - taking Wednesdays and Sundays off.
• Mental - Finish reading Financial Peace, chapter 2 by next Saturday 11/22/2008.

I really want this! We have been paying for our credit mistakes for the past 10 years and I am sick of having debt hanging over my head!

So, in the words of the awesome Dave Ramsey, "Call me weird - Just don't call me broke!"

I'm ready to be weird!

It's Not Fair

So, I guess kids get really interested in sibling equality at about age 6. Ever since his birthday, my son has been ever so kindly informing me of all the injustices in his life.

Here's the "Unfair List" so far:

• His younger sister gets to go to Grandma's overnight every Wednesday
• We stay home and have fun while he's at school all day (yes...cleaning, laundry, taking care of a 4 year old and 1 or 2 babies is ALWAYS so much fun).
• We get to go to 'fun' stores while he's at school (yes...Meijer and Walgreens are SO much fun with a 4 year old and 1 or 2 babies).
• Sister gets to play outside all day while he's at school.
• Sister got to go to Grandma's today while he had musical practice.

Let's see the things that he DOES get:

• $80 on a Cub Scout uniform
• Cub scouts with Dad every other week
• Field trips
• Going to 4 friends birthday parties in the past 3 months
• Boy Scout hikes with Dad
• Free pizza coupons just for reading 20 days a month
• Swim lessons

I actually think that my daughter gets the short end of the stick right now. It's total middle child syndrome. Son is involved in stuff. She's not going to school until next year. Baby is well, a baby, not very independent.

It surely isn't the same, but it is definitely more than fair.

Election Day

I know, it gets said for every Presidential election cycle, but this is THE most important election in American history. I voted 12 hours ago and am now just getting a look at the early results. As of right now, Obama is winning. It IS still early, and I am crossing my fingers and praying that the race turns around in McCain's favor. I have a very real fear for my family and my country if Obama wins. I have never had this kind of anxiety over an election before.

I do have to say that I am VERY glad that there is such high voter turnout this time around. I do believe that it is every adult's obligation to vote on election day. Its a freedom that people take for granted.

Here's hoping that common sense overrides trendy circle talk.

Old School???

I find myself gravitating toward "old school" stuff and methods. Just a few weeks ago, I was called old-fashioned (I'm only in my late 20s!) because my kids were playing with View Finders and I use cloth diapers. I think that this regression, if you will, has been amplified by my want and need to help conserve our environment.

I firmly believe that kids enjoy toys that don't make noise more than the toys that do. In fact, I see my kids playing with matchbox cars, wooden trains, puzzles, dolls and stuffed animals much more often and for longer periods of time than any of their flashing/beeping/singing/jumping/shaking toys. I think that my kids imaginations are stimulated much more when they are making up the stories as they go. I am even a big fan of Leap Frog toys, but even those guide and limit the imaginations!

I also am making more foods and snacks from scratch. Not only is it a big money saver, its more nutritious and natural. Our bodies weren't made to process preservatives!

Of course, I use cloth diapers and wipes. I bought several dozen cloth napkins from garage sales and I made my own dryer sheets! I even cut my paper towel consumption immensely. I use rags for everything!

I do, obviously enjoy technology. I have my snazzy new phone and high speed Internet and Netflix. But I also don't have caller ID or call waiting on my land line, and, I don't have cable. That's right, I get to choose from 4 channels. You know what, it does cut down my couch potato time, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I'm definitely trying to live life outside of the box, whether it be the cable box, the caller ID box or the Hamburger Helper box.

I HATE Forwards, Chain Mail and Phishing Email!

It seems like every single time I open my Inbox there is some kind of mindless, annoying email waiting to be deleted. I don't understand how these people have the time to read all these emails and then forward them to every single person they've ever met, but they don't have time to sit down and write and actual, personal note to me. Do I forward? Sure, I forward...Once in a blue moon when I find something to be VERY funny or interesting, and even then its not to every single person I've ever met.

Forward this message to 15 people within 60 seconds and you'll have a pleasant surprise at 2:38 tomorrow afternoon. What if the recipient has dial-up internet and it takes more than 60 seconds for the stupid email to load? Aren't you just cursing your friends at that point? What if they're a slow reader? What if, at the precise second the message loaded the dog throws up and the cat gets out and the kid spills glue everywhere? Do you take care of the email first to get your prize?

If you believe in God, you'd better forward this email to everyone you know. I believe in God. I don't believe that he really wants me sending chain emails to everyone. How about doing actual good deeds and sharing the Word with people in person?

Poor Sally Sue is living in Timbuktu. She has a terrible illness that nobody has ever heard of. Please reply with your name, social security number, bank account number, etc....and make a donation to help little Sally Sue. Seriously? Why would anyone send their personal information to anyone via email? STUPID!

Mr. Smith, a wealthy man who lives in Belgium just died and wants to give you his money. Please reply with your name, social security number, bank account number, etc...and we'll make sure you get your share. Again...Seriously? Why would anyone send their personal information to anyone via email? STUPID!

Microsoft has a new email tracking program. You will earn alot of money when you send this to everyone you know. And you know this is true, since someone knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone else who made $20,000 from doing this.

Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: fwd: FWD: Fwd: PPPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEE RRRREEEEAAAADDD!!!! With well over 100 email adresses to scroll through before the ever-so-important message even begins. You're such a great friend for violating everyone else's privacy with your stupid forwarded messages! Ever hear of BCC? Use it!

You want to know the truth?

How about tips on doing it right?

STOP THE INSANITY!

Intelligent Adults Do the Stupidest Things...

We've all done it - rushed into things, only to regret them later. I've always sort of hoped that when an adult reaches a certain age, late 20s perhaps, that logic and common sense start to become a factor in the whole decision making process. How about celebrities who hold their baby upside down over a balcony? Or the musician/clothing designer/B-list actress/blah blah blah who bought chandeliers for her babies' closets? Sex with strangers and without protection?

And...My personal (current) favorite: A woman who gets into a relationship with a guy who says he's sterile but she ends up pregnant less than a month into the relationship. Then she decides that she wants to marry him 6 weeks after the baby is born. I'm all for getting married before having children, but the baby is already here! If you're going to marry the guy after the baby is born, at least wait till the postpartum bleeding is done! Somehow I am stuck all up in the middle of this mess. They're living in his parents' house, but paying rent on her apartment. She's taking the one week old baby out and about already. But, apparently, I have no idea what being pregnant, going through labor, having issues breastfeeding or planning a wedding feels like. I only have had 4 pregnancies and 3 kids to show for it. What the heck do I know?!?

Now, I've become the 2nd bridesmaid, by default. I have to meet with bride and maid of honor this week. By the way, the maid of honor MUST meet me in person because she is SO shy that she can't even send e-mails to people that she has never met before. Are you kidding me!?! Bride tells me that I should come with ideas for dresses, but nothing expensive because MOH can't afford it. The wedding budget itself is $300, why would I possibly want to spend more than $50 on a dress? We would look more dressy than the bride!

Whatever...I've got 2 kids I'm bringing with me. SHE has absolutely NO clue what it takes to get 1 kid ready and dropped off at school and 2 other kids ready and make a car trip that is an hour each way.

Their relationship is on rocky ground anyways. Any dress I buy is going to have the tags left on till the "Big Day".

I digress.